Character Study 1

It's weird to think that last year around this time I was stressing over college applications and personal statements. I've learned a lot since then, like the fact that college is just like high school except with a bigger vocabulary, and it's actually cool to be obsessed with coffee and cats. I was actually really surprised I got in to UCSD considering up until the last month I had no idea what I was going to write in my essays. Procrastination and idiocy at its finest. Don't worry I'm only studying the prerequisites for medical school everyone. And now the surgery scheduling starts flying in, I'm sure. Anyway, like I said everything is pretty normal, too normal. It's like I just packed up my crap and my mom dropped me off in to a state of limbo. "Bye Charlie! I love you!" she said as she drove off in to the sunset, leaving me in the middle of a nerd congregation. The thing is that I'm bored, and I forgot to bring Maurice, my five foot tall teddy bear, with me to school. It’s a good thing I didn't take him though, because San Diego is pretty sketchy and he would have gotten stolen. 

There are two types of people in this world. There are the people who when a stranger yells, "Someone help me my cat got away!" will keep walking like assholes. Then there are the people like me who will immediately start chasing after the alleged cat, and straight in to the arms of a kidnapper. In my defense we were by a busy intersection and the cat could have easily gotten ran over. It was my duty as a human being and cat lover to potentially put my freedom at risk. That being said I would take a dead cat any day over being bound and blind folded in the back seat of one of those sketchy, white pedophile vans. Honestly, could you get any more obvious? These kidnappers are seriously lacking in their profession, and the one next to me smells like that liquid ass spray. My eyes are watering and I am gagging, that is so gross. I'm guessing he's not married. 

“Let me go you stupid ham planets!” I yell in the direction of the odorous one. “We can’t! Do you know how much money we’ll get for kidnapping that guy from The Maze Runner?” said a rather high pitched male voice. I guess it came from Smelly. “Are you freaking kidding me? I look nothing like Dylan O’Brien! I’m a girl with long hair! How idiotic can you get?” I yell back at the imbecile. “Damn it Marty! I can’t believe you did this again! You told me this was the right guy!” said a new voice from the front of the vehicle. Next thing I know someone presses a cloth to my mouth and the world goes dark.

I’m jostled awake some time later, and suddenly I’m thrown out of the moving van. I go air born for a second and then my fall is cushioned by grass. “Yeah that’s right! Drive away you pieces of crap!” I yell after the van that I hear tearing away from where ever they dropped me. I’m still bound and blind folded and I can hear kids playing in the background so I’m guessing they dropped me off at a park. At least they didn’t drop me off in the ghetto. Well this is awkward, I have to find a way to untie myself. “Excuse me! Can someone please untie me?” I yell loud enough for the people to hear. Next thing I know I hear a bunch of soccer moms screaming and running away while grabbing their children. “I hope your implants fall out!” I scream toward those assholes. “Can I help you?” I hear a bubbly female voice say from behind me. “Yes actually, if you could untie me that would be awesome.” I say to the girl. After she unties me I take off the blindfold and look down at a short girl with blond hair and big green eyes. She looks nice enough. “Hi my name is Annie!” she chirps at me. “Hey, my name is Charlie. Thanks for untying me!” I say gratefully. “So umm, what just happened? Why were you blind folded?” she asks me. “It’s a long story…” I sigh.

Annie takes me to coffee and tells me those jerk-offs tossed me in Seattle, Washington. “That is so rude! They could’ve at least dropped me off in California! People these days…” I exclaim after hearing what state I’m in. “That is pretty rude. I still can’t believe they thought you were Dylan O’Brien. You look nothing alike!” she says agreeing with my earlier thoughts. “How am I going to get home? They took my money, all twenty dollars of it.” I say wistfully, thinking about all the coffee I could have bought with that money. Hey, college is expensive. “Well you could work at the magazine with me! It would be so much fun!” she says smiling. “That would be perfect!” I say smiling back at the small girl who saved me from the impending soccer moms. “We should probably get you some clothes though,” she says eyeing my shirt. “And I should probably call my mom…” I say while shuddering at the thought of her freaking out.

Six months later…

          As I stare down at my article in the new magazine I work for I realize two things. Seattle has really good coffee, and being kidnapped makes for a great story. After my mom finally sent over all of my stuff I started working at the magazine with Annie, and she suggested that my first piece be about my kidnapping. It’s kind of embarrassing writing about how I was mistaken for a guy though. Next time someone asks me to chase after their runaway cat I’m going to have to pass.